Blended Families

There are several blended families throughout the world. I applaude they parents of these families. It is not easy to put together two separate families. Each has been used to living in a certian culture, but this culture greatly changes when the families merge. The merge isn't easy either. It takes a great amount of patience and adjusting. The family needs to understand that it will take at least two years for them to adjust to each other and for a new "normal" to be established. It's also important that for the first while, the birth parent should be the only one desciplining the children. The step-parent also needs to be very supportive of the spouse, and not contradict him/her in front of the children. They both need to be constantly communicating with each other about what is happening in the family.
I am very interested in studying in this area. I think it would interesting to learn more about what the children experience, and how to help them adjust. I think the biggest thing they face is divided loyalty between their new step-parent and their biological parent (who no longer lives with them).
Divorce is a sad occurance in our society. As a result, there are many couples who will eventually remarry and form blended families. But these families can be strong! It just takes time and lots of effort.

Parenting

It was really neat discussing this subject in class this week. There is so much information, I'm not even sure where to start or what to include. (I'm also excited because I get a whole class on this subject next semester!)
I think one of the things that I've really learned is that the greatest way I can teach my children is by my example. I may tell them something, but if I don't follow my own rules and advice, then why would they follow it? How I am preparing now and the qualities I'm striving to develop will determine what I can teach them.
One need that everyone has is the need for contact/belonging. What happens when we don't fullfill this need for our children? What happens when we don't love them enough, or show them that we love them. They should feel like part of a loving family, one who accepts them no matter what. It's important to focus on the needs of children, not their behavior. Often bad behavior comes from an unfullfilled need. Make sure to also offer contact to children, and to teach them to contribute.
There is so much on this topic! I'm excited to study it more in-depth and I will be posting more of what I learn.

Work and the Family

           I never realized that work could strengthen a family so much! In this situation, I'm not talking about work outside the home. I'm talking about when a family takes time to work together! Back in "the day" many families lived on farms. They spent all day together working on the farm. They all participated in working towards a common goal. This really drew families together!
          Then then imagine how hard and different it was when dad had to start working outside of the home! (Eventually other family members would too). They had less time with each other- less time to strengthen their relationships.
           So today I think that it is important that families take time not only to be together, but to work together! Have you ever noticed the bonding that comes when you work with someone else? It can create a very powerful bond with them. I think that by working together, families will be able to love each other more easily. The Spirit will be able to abide more often in that house.
Personally, I want to develop a greater love for working, and I want to pass this love onto my children! Working together in our families can have an incredible power in our lives! It will teach us to be proactive and to progress towards our goals. At the same time, we can help strengthen our family members and also be able to help them to reach their goals.

Counseling in Families

Here's a quick though on counseling in your family. Every Thursday the 1st Presidency and the Quorem of the 12 meet in the temple. Part of their meeting includes: Expressing love and gratitude for each other; an opening prayer (they invite the Spirit in their prayer to be with them in their meeting); discussing to consensus and idea and making sure that it is the Lord's will; a closing prayer (notice they keep inviting the Spirit); eating chocolate (and sometime pie)! :) Now, imagine if we used this counseling process in our families? What would happen if, when we gathered to discuss something as a family, we were able to express our love for each other. We could invite the Spirit through prayer. We could listen to everyone's persepctive and come to a conclusion together (that is in line with the Lord's will) and then close by thanking the Lord. (Dessert is also a good thing!) I feel that these steps would really help to bring a family together. Especially through expressing love and appreciation as well as inviting the Spirit; this will also help to eliminate contention. It will increas love in the family! Parents will also be teaching their children wise ways to work out problems and find solutions.

Handling Abuse

Concerning abuse, we were discussing a very well-known therapist, Cloe Madanes, who specializes on dealing in this area. There are three steps she recommends that those who have been abused need to understand.
1. Evil is Always Stupid
Many victims struggle with trying to understand why someone would do something so bad to someone else. The main answer is that there really is no good reason for someone to commit such crimes. There is no logic behind it.
2. When a violation takes place, it always hurts your spirit.
Those who have been hurt need to understand that their worth has not been decreased because they have been violated. They are still valuable and precious people with much potential. They are still beloved children of God.
3. Help them understand that what happened is a very limited part of their life.
This does not and should not define their life! If it helps, they can even subtract the minutes they have been violated from how many minutes they have been alive. Help them to focus on the positives in their life and to be able to see the potential for so much more good!
This whole area is a hard and saddening topic. I am still learning more, but I appreciate what I have learned so far. There are many people who need help and could lead better lives if they just understood their value and how to continue in their lives.

Educating Our Youth

In class this past week, we've been talking about how physical intimacy not only brings children into the world, but it also brings a husband and wife closer together. It is sacred and should be reserved for marriage, but the world does not seem to see this. They abuse the sacredness of the law of chastity. It seems that false message of "it's ok to have sex outside of marriage" is being spread and accepted all around us.
So here is a question then.... How can we prevent our youth from following this popular worldy trend? Their marriages will be stronger if they wait until ther are married to be physically intimate with their spouse. And when should they be educated in these issues (ex: the difference between girls and boys, the birds and bees, the importance of marriage between man and wife, etc...). The world will teach them if we don't, but how early do they need to know in this era?
Another thought: it is not only important for the youth to know that we should keep the law of chastity, but WHY they should keep it! I think if they understand the principles, they will follow them.

I would really LOVE commentary on these issues. Please feel free to post your thoughts and opinions!

Transitions Leading to Marriage

There are four main stages that lead to marriage (and end in it). First we have dating. This is normally between several different people doing several different activities (not dating exclusively). It is not hanging out. Next is coutrship. This is exclusively dating; the couple should really be using this time to get to know each other. One important aspect about this area that our culture seems to forget is that we should only date exclusively if it could potentially lead to marriage. The stages between dating and courtship should also be distinct. It should not just be "slid into." There is less committment if this new stage has not been clarified.
The next stage is engagement (ring+date=engagement!). Something that I hadn't previously thought about in this area is the difference between planning a wedding, and planning a marriage. The wedding is one day, but the marriage for life (and eternity, depending if it's in the temple or not). It's so crucial for both the man and woman to take part in planning not only the wedding, but especially the marriage. This is a new union being formed. They will be a different unit from their parents and will be starting their own family. The last stage is, (of course!) marriage. Couples will definitely spend some time adjusting to each other especially during the first month and year of marraige. :)