Blended Families

There are several blended families throughout the world. I applaude they parents of these families. It is not easy to put together two separate families. Each has been used to living in a certian culture, but this culture greatly changes when the families merge. The merge isn't easy either. It takes a great amount of patience and adjusting. The family needs to understand that it will take at least two years for them to adjust to each other and for a new "normal" to be established. It's also important that for the first while, the birth parent should be the only one desciplining the children. The step-parent also needs to be very supportive of the spouse, and not contradict him/her in front of the children. They both need to be constantly communicating with each other about what is happening in the family.
I am very interested in studying in this area. I think it would interesting to learn more about what the children experience, and how to help them adjust. I think the biggest thing they face is divided loyalty between their new step-parent and their biological parent (who no longer lives with them).
Divorce is a sad occurance in our society. As a result, there are many couples who will eventually remarry and form blended families. But these families can be strong! It just takes time and lots of effort.

Parenting

It was really neat discussing this subject in class this week. There is so much information, I'm not even sure where to start or what to include. (I'm also excited because I get a whole class on this subject next semester!)
I think one of the things that I've really learned is that the greatest way I can teach my children is by my example. I may tell them something, but if I don't follow my own rules and advice, then why would they follow it? How I am preparing now and the qualities I'm striving to develop will determine what I can teach them.
One need that everyone has is the need for contact/belonging. What happens when we don't fullfill this need for our children? What happens when we don't love them enough, or show them that we love them. They should feel like part of a loving family, one who accepts them no matter what. It's important to focus on the needs of children, not their behavior. Often bad behavior comes from an unfullfilled need. Make sure to also offer contact to children, and to teach them to contribute.
There is so much on this topic! I'm excited to study it more in-depth and I will be posting more of what I learn.

Work and the Family

           I never realized that work could strengthen a family so much! In this situation, I'm not talking about work outside the home. I'm talking about when a family takes time to work together! Back in "the day" many families lived on farms. They spent all day together working on the farm. They all participated in working towards a common goal. This really drew families together!
          Then then imagine how hard and different it was when dad had to start working outside of the home! (Eventually other family members would too). They had less time with each other- less time to strengthen their relationships.
           So today I think that it is important that families take time not only to be together, but to work together! Have you ever noticed the bonding that comes when you work with someone else? It can create a very powerful bond with them. I think that by working together, families will be able to love each other more easily. The Spirit will be able to abide more often in that house.
Personally, I want to develop a greater love for working, and I want to pass this love onto my children! Working together in our families can have an incredible power in our lives! It will teach us to be proactive and to progress towards our goals. At the same time, we can help strengthen our family members and also be able to help them to reach their goals.

Counseling in Families

Here's a quick though on counseling in your family. Every Thursday the 1st Presidency and the Quorem of the 12 meet in the temple. Part of their meeting includes: Expressing love and gratitude for each other; an opening prayer (they invite the Spirit in their prayer to be with them in their meeting); discussing to consensus and idea and making sure that it is the Lord's will; a closing prayer (notice they keep inviting the Spirit); eating chocolate (and sometime pie)! :) Now, imagine if we used this counseling process in our families? What would happen if, when we gathered to discuss something as a family, we were able to express our love for each other. We could invite the Spirit through prayer. We could listen to everyone's persepctive and come to a conclusion together (that is in line with the Lord's will) and then close by thanking the Lord. (Dessert is also a good thing!) I feel that these steps would really help to bring a family together. Especially through expressing love and appreciation as well as inviting the Spirit; this will also help to eliminate contention. It will increas love in the family! Parents will also be teaching their children wise ways to work out problems and find solutions.

Handling Abuse

Concerning abuse, we were discussing a very well-known therapist, Cloe Madanes, who specializes on dealing in this area. There are three steps she recommends that those who have been abused need to understand.
1. Evil is Always Stupid
Many victims struggle with trying to understand why someone would do something so bad to someone else. The main answer is that there really is no good reason for someone to commit such crimes. There is no logic behind it.
2. When a violation takes place, it always hurts your spirit.
Those who have been hurt need to understand that their worth has not been decreased because they have been violated. They are still valuable and precious people with much potential. They are still beloved children of God.
3. Help them understand that what happened is a very limited part of their life.
This does not and should not define their life! If it helps, they can even subtract the minutes they have been violated from how many minutes they have been alive. Help them to focus on the positives in their life and to be able to see the potential for so much more good!
This whole area is a hard and saddening topic. I am still learning more, but I appreciate what I have learned so far. There are many people who need help and could lead better lives if they just understood their value and how to continue in their lives.

Educating Our Youth

In class this past week, we've been talking about how physical intimacy not only brings children into the world, but it also brings a husband and wife closer together. It is sacred and should be reserved for marriage, but the world does not seem to see this. They abuse the sacredness of the law of chastity. It seems that false message of "it's ok to have sex outside of marriage" is being spread and accepted all around us.
So here is a question then.... How can we prevent our youth from following this popular worldy trend? Their marriages will be stronger if they wait until ther are married to be physically intimate with their spouse. And when should they be educated in these issues (ex: the difference between girls and boys, the birds and bees, the importance of marriage between man and wife, etc...). The world will teach them if we don't, but how early do they need to know in this era?
Another thought: it is not only important for the youth to know that we should keep the law of chastity, but WHY they should keep it! I think if they understand the principles, they will follow them.

I would really LOVE commentary on these issues. Please feel free to post your thoughts and opinions!

Transitions Leading to Marriage

There are four main stages that lead to marriage (and end in it). First we have dating. This is normally between several different people doing several different activities (not dating exclusively). It is not hanging out. Next is coutrship. This is exclusively dating; the couple should really be using this time to get to know each other. One important aspect about this area that our culture seems to forget is that we should only date exclusively if it could potentially lead to marriage. The stages between dating and courtship should also be distinct. It should not just be "slid into." There is less committment if this new stage has not been clarified.
The next stage is engagement (ring+date=engagement!). Something that I hadn't previously thought about in this area is the difference between planning a wedding, and planning a marriage. The wedding is one day, but the marriage for life (and eternity, depending if it's in the temple or not). It's so crucial for both the man and woman to take part in planning not only the wedding, but especially the marriage. This is a new union being formed. They will be a different unit from their parents and will be starting their own family. The last stage is, (of course!) marriage. Couples will definitely spend some time adjusting to each other especially during the first month and year of marraige. :)

Love vs Infatuation

This past week, both my marriage and family relations classes have been discussing marriage preparation. One thing that really stuck out to me was the difference between love and infatuation.

             LOVE                                                                    INFATUATION
-Is a growing ralationship                                              -Being in love with love
-Not jealous or selfish (of each other)                             -Can be casual
-Is patient and considerate                                            -Can be one-sided
-Based on knowledge of other's                                     -Immature
  interests, family, and friends                                        -Tense, worrisome about 
-Grows together through trials                                       the relationship
-Both have freedom to develop                                      -Having a crush
 own interests                                                             -Not interested in person's
- A decision and a feeling                                             friend's & family                                         

I love this list. It really shows the depth involved in love. You care about the whole person, not jsut certain aspects. You are willing to grow with them through the hard times you face together. Love is beautiful, and it is made even more sacred through marriage.

Another interesting thing we talked about was the idea of soul mates. There really is no such thing. There are several people that we could get along with, love, and marry. However, as you work to strengthen your marriage, you become soul mates. I thought that was cute! (And it's true!)
                                                                                                                                              

Marriage: Between Man and Woman

This past week we have been discussing the differences between genders. The conclusion that I came to is that we have these differences (ex: aggression, compassion, different orientations) so that there may be a balance. At the end of the week we also discussed homosexuality. We know that it is not biological, but I was astonished to disocver that many people turn homosexual because of things that happened in their youth. Many of these people were molested or often told that they were different from others in their gender (and they were teased about it!). Later they might ponder on this and think "oh, because of this I must be...". This saddened me so much. I think a lot of this could be avoided. No one is born "gay". We need to do our part and not label others. In class we heard several stories about people who would turn homosexual just because people would label them as that, and then they couldn't be accepted as anything else. Things such as this did not happen to all of these people, but I believe that it affected many of them. My teacher also made a very interesting comment concernig this area. He said that "being informed and loving others is the most important thing we can do to help others." We need not accept their lifestyles, but we need to still love them and help them see that they are children of God. He loves them dearly and wants them to come back to Him.

However, I think that the world needs to be reminded that marriage is between a man and a woman. Our Heavenly Father designed it that way. Not only does this create a balance, but couples are also able to bring children into the world through this means. This cannot come to pass between homosexual couples. Children have a right to be brought up by a mother and a father! We need to support the family.

Are we happier when we have less?

One article we studied and discussed this week was about the impact on families that were immigrating from Mexico. In this study, they interviewed several different famliy members that had immigrated. One person mad the statement that American had so much, yet they did not seem very happy. She compared that to her life in Mexico, where they did not have very much, but they took great joy and happiness through their families. I really had to think about this comment. Is this truly the case? Are we focusing so much on material things that we forget the importance of our families and the great joy that we can have through them! They are one of the most important things in our lives! Where would we be without our families? Quite honestly, this reminds me of President Monson's talk Priesthood Power. In it he talks about how it is acutally good for a couple to have to struggle (financially). It brings them closer together. I'm not saying that it's bad to have money (it is a blessing), but I've realized that if we are constanly focusing our attention upon it then we will lose sight of what really matters.

But is it easier to be happy when we have less? Do we focus more on our families when we have less material possessions/ money? Maybe. I think we can still be just as happy when we have more, but I think often it is easier to focus on what's really important when we don't have as much to be distracted by.

No matter what may be going on, we should always keep our families in focus and remember that the Lord will provide for us as long as we are faithful to Him. Our families help us become stronger and better people. Together we work to overcome obstacles. Together we have fun and rejoice. Together we help each other return to our Heavenly Father.

Marriage and Family Relationships

This week we have been studying family systems. What has really interested me are the subsystems that are found in a family. There are several different ones that can can be present in a family: husband and wife/mom and dad, father and daughter, brothers and sister, etc... Understanding the subsytems in a family help to understand how a family works and functions. Understanding them can us help to change our families for the better.
We know that there are many different roles and relationships in the family, but the most important one and the one that should be the strongest is between mom and dad. All other relationships in the family are based upon this. If there is a strong and healthy marriage, then the kids will be much better off for it! The family will be stronger for it! Although the family life will not be pefect, there will be much more joy and happiness found within. I think it's important to note that when the parents have a strong and happy marriage, then the children will know what to look for in their future spouses. They will have a better chance at having a stronger marriage. The will be able to help strengthen the family!

Why the Family?

I truly believe that the family is one of the most important areas that we can study. The family is sacred and ordained of God. It is central to His Plan of Salvation. The family has the power to strengthen and help us become better people. Although it seems that the world views it as something of diminishing importance, having a family is one of the most important things we can do in this life. I want to be a strength to the family. I want to one day raise a strong and loving family of my own. I want to help strengthen other families as well. I want to help the world see why we need the family. One of the ultimate and lasting joys in life is found in one's family. This is why I am studying it.